MY THOUGHTS ON "ROMANTIC LOVE'

In a world filled with a variety of people and everything has its opposite, It makes sense that humans would feel the need to assume there are diverse types of love and have created names for each one of them.
According to The Ancient Greeks, there are 4 types of love; Eros, Agape, Philia and Storge.  What I’m about to describe is known as storge type of love. 

All human beings are familiar with this type of love. It's our natural instinct.
It’s the love we feel for family and friends, it’s unconditional, committed, sacrificial, it accepts flaws, and drives you to forgive. This type of love makes you feel safe.

I have a significant number of acquaintances I appreciate them, but I don’t love them with a storge type of love. I don’t have many friends. In fact, it’s a big deal to give someone that title, it is about trust.

The few friends I have, know  I love them and  am there for them unconditionally, I take them as they are, with their strengths and weaknesses, they know I am genuine, I don’t have to refer to them a million times a day as “love”, “babe”, “darling” as evidence of my love for them. Those are simply words and not real expressions of love.  I trust, those who I consider my friends are sincere and real. That’s the main reason I grant them the “title” of friend.

You may be wondering why I’m describing a  type of love that's not romantic love, if my objective is to define what romantic love means to me. The answer is simple. I believe that what we call romantic love mutates into a “storge” type of love which is characterized by compassionate feelings, mutual respect and understanding. 

Most of us would agree in defining love as complex and diificult to understand. The Guatemalan singer and song writer Ricardo Arjona, provides an idea of the emotions we go through when we fall in love romantically  in his very well known song, "El Amor".  

“Love is quite an expert in a couple of things, it is the author of pain and lost battles, it always starts dreaming and ends up in insomnia, falling in love is a profound act of faith that resembles a lie.

Love has you either get a glimpse heaven or burn in hell. Love is a lost war between chemistry and laughter, love is the reason your eyes become like a running water tap. When you are with the one you love, you simply lose yourself in time without even realizing that the clock is still ticking, time does not stop to give you a chance to wake up from that dream.

Love is the arrogance of not letting go of what’s impossible, perhaps we love out of the urge to fill a void we have within ourselves. Loving someone is such an ungrateful act, it’s an emotion that has the capacity of making you feel you’ve conquered Mount Everest, but it can also destroy you and take you to the lowest of the low.

I am happier with the definition of love in soap operas, they portray perfect happy endings. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for? If loving hurts, then why does it always seem so perfect?”

I changed a few words and accommodated a few sentences here and there, I just wrote the main idea of the song. I don't think a literal translation is possible. If I did a decent job and the translation makes sense , Ricardo Arjona’s song provides plenty of food for thought, right?

My religious beliefs and spirituality play a significant role in my life, this has created a strong impact in the way I see romantic love. I firmly believe that romantic love evolves, it can start with emotions and a pattern of behaviors that appear to be an infatuation. 
You feel all the chemistry of your brain acting like fireworks. It’s an intense attraction that pushes you to do the craziest things for the one you love. I believe it transforms into a more mature feeling, it makes you feel inclined to do anything to see that person happy, this could mean giving up on them, letting them go to be with someone else, yes, it is very painful, it hurts as much as pouring salt on an open wound, you can hardly breathe, but in the end, it’s all about doing anything for the one we love.

I can say that so far in my life, I have romantically loved once. He was so perfect for me, one of the most beautiful souls I’ve ever met. I never thought I would feel that way about him. 
What he called  an infatuation at the beginning, soon mutated into a deeper feeling, words are not enough to describe the lovely sentiment I had for him.

It was magnetic, I was strongly drawn to him. The glow in his eyes was stunning, and his warm smile always made me want to softly kiss his lips.

His hands, I can’t even describe their beauty. His hugs! I could’ve just stayed in his arms forever, his voice, his truths and his little white lies, all his perfect imperfections, his musical talent, his love and devotion for God.

Just sitting right next to him  filled me up with so much joy, I was the happiest person on the planet. I felt the chemistry  go out of control on one occasion, as I held his hands and we were trying to dance. It was just like fireworks trying to cause an explosion, he thought I was acting weird, he was clueless about the unfathomable feelings that invaded me from head to toe. I needed to take a deep breath, I blushed, and excused myself to use the restroom.

In the mornings, he was one of the first thoughts that crossed my mind as I opened my eyes. With time, it became a more mature and deeper feeling, I could’ve done anything to make him happy, actually I think I did, although the tears I shed could’ve been enough to flood the entire earth, and my heart was broken into a million pieces, apparently the fact of me becoming a stranger to him was what made him happy.
If you ever experience something that depicts the above, it is most likely that you have fallen in love.

A series of unfortunate events came along the way, I will not go into details, neither will I describe the outcome.  All I can say is in spite of the obstacles we encountered, the hardships, and the crazy roller coaster we rode, he is still one of my favorite people on earth. This relationship taught me a significant lesson I had an incredible growth, and made me a  stronger  woman.

That is not the end of my essay. I will now focus on the chemistry of love. When I was teenager, I used to love the American rock band “My Chemical Romance”, and it all makes sense now! Romance is a chemical indeed.

There is an explanation to what I experienced the instant I held the hands of that special someone the moment we started to dance.

There are a lot of chemicals racing around the brain and body when we're in love. Dopamine is the brain’s pleasure chemical. It plays a role in gambling, drug use, and, well, love. When we fall in love, dopamine is released. Dopamine can be present in both early-stage and long-term romantic love.

Oxytocin also plays a key role, it is a chemical that calms, it creates bonding and attachment. It also promotes intimacy, it is what hugging, kissing and touching are made of.

But there’s more, MHC is a set of genes that controls cell-surface molecules, which the body uses to tell self from foreign invaders. Our bodies exude MHC levels through sweat and body odor, as well as saliva. There are a wide variety of MHC types, but they tend to more closely match in people who are related. Based on scent and taste, studies suggest we can pick up on MHC levels in other people, and it’s thought that the more you differ in MHC, the stronger the attraction. ⁽¹⁾

It often seems that we are talking about the bright side of being in love. But love has some negative consequences. When things don’t turn out as expected, when we face the agony of non-corresponding love, betrayal and other emotional distress can cause broken heart syndrome.

Broken heart syndrome is a temporary heart condition that's often brought on by stressful situations, such as the death of a loved one. The condition can also be triggered by a serious physical illness or surgery. People with broken heart syndrome may have sudden chest pain or think they're having a heart attack.

In broken heart syndrome, there's a temporary disruption of your heart's normal pumping function in one area of the heart. The remainder of the heart functions normally or with even more forceful contractions. Broken heart syndrome may be caused by the heart's reaction to a surge of stress hormones.

The exact cause of broken heart syndrome is unclear. It's thought that a surge of stress hormones, such as adrenaline, might temporarily damage the hearts of some people.

How these hormones might hurt the heart or whether something else is responsible isn't completely clear. A temporary constriction of the large or small arteries of the heart has been suspected to play a role. Broken heart syndrome is often preceded by an intense physical or emotional event. ⁽²⁾

It is impossible for me to bring up the scientific explanation of a broken heart, and not think about Christ.  Jesus Christ's cause of death was a broken heart. He knows exactly what it feels like to go through it, perhaps his broken heart syndrome was an intensified one, no human being will ever experience such.

I will conclude by saying, I personally don't see the need to divide love into categories. To me, there are emotions associated with love, for this reason there is variety in the way we love, but not different types of love.  Love is only one. It is extraordinary, it surpasses our understanding, our human minds in their limited capacity just label it as "complicated". Love means sacrifice and forgiveness, it is the reason we were given the opportunity to experience mortality and the emotions associated with being human, it makes it possible for us to have second chances. It is a miracle. Love was not invented on earth. “There is no end to love.” ⁽³⁾

References

1)    Deza, Denny “How love changes your body chemistry”  http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20568672,00.html#love-connection-1

2)    Mayo Clinic, Broken heart syndrome http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/broken-heart-syndrome/symptoms-causes/dxc-20264170

3)    LDS hymn book, “If you could hie to kolob”